Monday, January 21, 2013

Love Me, Love My Drool

Murphy Mondays

There isn’t much I don’t like about being a shop dog. I mean, what is there to complain about really? I get to watch my people in action making pretty flowers, I get two warm beds to keep me comfortable when I’m there, I get plenty of water and walks, and I’m given run of the shop to give a wag and a hello to people who come by to visit. But I’m only canine, so of course there are some things I would change. In my opinion, these are really non-negotiable because they are basic needs that every dog should be afforded, especially if they are working on the executive level like me. Here is my list of - I think - very reasonable needs:

This is the appropriate distance the heater should be to my butt.

Love me, love my drool. I am a passionate lab with a hearty appetite and an acute sense of smell. Are they cooking burgers ten miles away? YES. How do I know this? Because I can smell it. I can’t help that the instant I smell something delicious (or you open a bag - any bag, even if it’s not food - open a drawer, heat something in the microwave, make coffee, or just say the word treat) I start to drool. Nor can I help the fact that my drool will drip, continuous and uninterrupted, until I am dragging it behind me. I am talented like that. Quit complaining. Everyone is pretty good about grabbing a paper towel and wiping me up when necessary but when they’re not paying attention, my very, very favorite thing to do is to wipe my drool on them - or their stuff - when they’re not looking. It’s a good game. Oh, left your chair? Well, guess what will be waiting for you on the seat or armrest when you get back? That’s riiiiiight. I’m sly like that so don’t mess with me. I’m not naming names (Becky).

Treat me. No, seriously, treat me. This is very simple to understand. There are never too many treats. NEVER. TOO. MANY. Why are you people so stingy with the treats. Listen, I’m not one to wait around for my due which is why so often I have taken it upon myself to sneak out the back door and head on over to the vet’s office a couple of doors down. They have treats. And they are very generous with them. Especially for dogs who wander in lost and “confused”. I’m not stupid. This can easily be solved by my people providing the appropriate number of treats on a daily basis. Also, visitors to Bouquets of Austin are encouraged to bring me a snack. Things will be easier for you that way. I’m not saying that I can influence your pricing (but I can influence your pricing).

Take it easy on the cardio. My people are fit. They go to the gym and the shop even closes for an hour on Wednesdays so everyone can do yoga. That’s fine but why do you need to involve me? I’ve worked hard on this physique and increased cardio is messing with my hard work. My cousin Jennifer likes to take me on walks. I’m good for a mile but beyond that I ask you not to drag me into your obsessive behavior. I’m embracing my curves. That is all.

Make your decisions. This goes out to our visitors. Here’s the deal...I’m allowed to greet you when you come in but I’m not allowed in the conference room. Like licking you non-stop will somehow interfere with your ability to talk about wedding flowers. Sheeeesh. Anyway, my point is, the longer you are in that conference room, the longer I am kept in the back shop or in the front office and everyone knows that dogs just want to be where they can not be. So move it along people. I can forgive you if you have a lot to discuss. But when you come in with no idea what you like, what you want, or the difference between a rose or a hydrangea, well...that just makes me want to drool you.

That’s all for today. If you can start working on this immediately, I would really appreciate it. Thanks flower peeps! Have a great week!


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